


All This Mess (To Know the Worth of my Life)

by sdottkrames



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: And they both get one, Angst with a Happy Ending, But he’s in a coma, F/M, Gen, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Protective Peter Parker, Time Travel, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, and Peter very much doesn’t like it, but Tony lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:14:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28012230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sdottkrames/pseuds/sdottkrames
Summary: He quickly looked for a newspaper stand, and his stomach dropped when he saw the date. November 18, 2020. Three years ago. When half the world was still missing.Peter had been through a heck of a lot, but this was enough to force him to sit down right on the steps of the closest apartment he could find for about 10 minutes, staring unseeingly out at the street.There was a lot about the situation that was throwing him for a loop, but the main one that kept coming to the forefront of his brain, fluttering like an injured butterfly in his stomach was that Tony was alive.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Pepper Potts, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 14
Kudos: 225
Collections: Irondad Fic Exchange 2020





	All This Mess (To Know the Worth of my Life)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jelly_pies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jelly_pies/gifts).



> It has been such a joy getting to know you, Jelly! I’ve adored your work and I’m so glad I got the opportunity to write something for you. I hope you know how talented you are, and I really hope you enjoy this gift 💜
> 
> Also, the title and the lyrics are from Sleeping At Last’s Mercury. I just felt they were perfect for this fic! Enjoy!

_No one can unring this bell_

_Unsound this alarm,_

_unbreak my heart new_

_God knows, I am dissonance_

_Waiting to be swiftly pulled into tune_

***

_Yet I know, if I stepped aside,_

_Released the controls_

_You would open my eyes_

_That somehow, all of this mess_

_is just my attempt to know the worth of my life  
_

* * *

Peter was crying.

It was a strange sensation. He knew he was crying, he could feel his shoulders shaking and the scalding tears leaving tracks down his dirt-streaked face, but he didn’t have enough mental energy to really process that. All his energy was on the man in front of him. The man who was dying, his heart slowly stuttering to a stop.

All because of Peter.

“I’m sorry,” he whimpered. “Tony.”

He was gently pulled away by Rhodey as Pepper knelt beside her husband and Peter quickly gave place to her. She deserved to be there more than he did.

“You can rest now,” she whispered, and Peter listened helplessly as his mentor’s heart faded, and the world along with it.

***

That was three weeks ago.

Three weeks after the snap, three weeks after Shuri had quickly rushed Tony through a portal into Wakanda to try and save him, three weeks of Tony lying lifeless on the hospital bed, the beeping of the heart monitor and his noisy, ragged breaths the only sound indicating he was alive.

Peter honestly wasn’t sure what was worse: Tony actually being dead, or this purgatory of not knowing if tomorrow the heart monitor would stop.

Shuri and Bruce had worked tirelessly for days on end to save Tony. They’d used every cutting edge technology known to man, pushed themselves almost to the breaking point, but Tony’s body had undergone so much stress and trauma they weren’t sure if it was enough.

So all Peter could do was watch, and wait, and try to keep from bursting into tears every 30 seconds. 

Tony had eventually been deemed stable enough to be taken home to the lake house, so at least he was surrounded by family. Peter had been surprised to find himself numbered in that small group.

Pepper and Morgan had welcomed him with open arms, insisting that he stay and showing him a bedroom that had been made just for him.

“Tony...he, uh, never gave up hope that you’d be back to enjoy this. You’ll have to tell him what you think when he wakes up,” Pepper had said, softly as she opened the door to a beautiful room with red and blue accents, and everything a teenage boy could ever want already stocked inside.

She was always talking like that, as if it was a sure thing that Tony was going to live, but Peter couldn’t find that kind of faith. It hadn’t saved his parents or Ben.

***

After the sixth week with no change, Bruce and Shuri were starting to wane in the tenuous optimism they’d had before, and Peter decided he had to leave. He had to get out, get away from the thoughts that were constantly battering the inside of his skull, leaving unseen bruises of doubt and fear and hopelessness. 

Luckily, he didn’t have to wait long for the perfect distraction. 

New York was threatened by some crazy villain with a blue face. He called himself Kang the Conqueror, and Peter was almost grateful he showed up. The anger and pent up frustration and grief were begging to get out. What better outlet than another colorful alien that thought he was better than everyone else?

Peter sensed Kang’s superiority complex right away. It wasn’t hard, the man was ranting about how much better the future was and how small and insignificant humanity looked from his eternal perspective. 

Peter was annoyed after only knowing the guy for 2 seconds.

All the emotions swirled inside him and he didn’t hold back one bit as he punched Kang in his stupid blue face. Kang flipped backwards off his hovering skateboard thing, and Peter dove after him, punching him again in midair before shooting a web and flipping away as the other man hit the ground. 

Peter normally wasn’t so violent, and he found himself almost _scared_ , but he needed some sort of outlet, and at least he was punching a bad guy. 

Kang came after him again, and Peter was able to hold him off until more of the Avengers came, and together they made short work of the time traveling villain.

They were putting him in power-dampening handcuffs when a bright purple light exploded all around them. Steve and Nat ducked, and were able to subdue Kang before he escaped, but it was too late.

Peter had disappeared.

***

Peter wasn’t lost. Not really. He knew exactly where he was- he’d lived in New York far too long to not recognize the streets- but everything had changed. 

He’d just been fighting Kang the Conquerer with his stupid blue face, and now there was no sign of him or the Avengers. No sign of their fight. Nothing. They’d all just vanished.

“What in the world is going on?” He muttered to himself.

And then it came to him: he knew _where_ he was, but not _when_ he was. Kang was a time traveler, he could have sent Peter to any time at all. 

He quickly looked for a newspaper stand, and his stomach dropped when he saw the date. November 18, 2020. Three years ago. When half the world was still missing.

Peter had been through a heck of a lot, but this was enough to force him to sit down right on the steps of the closest apartment he could find for about 10 minutes, staring unseeingly out at the street.

There was a lot about the situation that was throwing him for a loop, but the main one that kept coming to the forefront of his brain, fluttering like an injured butterfly in his stomach was that _Tony was alive_.

Peter hadn’t realized he’d started thinking of Tony as dead already, but the thought of Tony with a heart that wouldn’t stutter every few beats, of breaths that didn’t sound like Darth Vader’s cousin, of a Tony who would smile and hug him like he used to had Peter’s heart aching painfully as it nearly beat through his chest. 

Suddenly, Peter was crying again, and he gave himself a moment to wallow and grieve before picking himself up off the sidewalk. He glanced down at the small piece of technology that had been added to his suit on his wrist for just such an occasion as this. It was a time traveling device that would send a beacon to the Avenger compound to let them know where and when he was so they could bring him back. 

Except, Parker Luck being the story of Peter’s life, the device was broken.

It seemed Peter was going to get his wish, after all. If anybody could help him get back to his own time, it was the one person he most wanted to see. Peter wasn’t sure how time traveling worked exactly. He’d only just seen Back to the Future a few months ago with Mr. Stark (well 5 years ago, really, he realized with a clench in his stomach), and most of his information was from that, but Tony would know. He’d invented time travel, after all.

All for Peter.

_And look where it got him_ he thought bitterly, but forced the thought back with practiced precision.

“Karen,” Peter called, hoping against hope that his AI was still active.

“Yes, Peter?”

“Oh, thank goodness you’re still here,” Peter said, relief thick in his voice. “Can you contact the other avengers? From, you know, my time?”

“I’m sorry Peter, I can’t,” she said after a moment.

“That’s okay. Can you tell me where Mr. Stark is right now?” 

Peter had no idea if Mr. Stark was living in his lake house yet, or if he was still up in the compound, or if they were still working in the tower. He crossed his fingers that Karen could tell him.

He watched her scan, and then a blue bubble popped up. “Tony Stark is at his lake house.”

“Okay,” he breathed, and swung off to find his mentor, his heart still running its marathon. 

This was going to be interesting.

***

Peter didn’t know what to expect when he knocked on the Stark’s door, but he certainly hadn’t expected Tony to open the door, make eye contact with Peter, then slam the door right in his face. 

“Who was that?” Peter heard Pepper call.

“Nothing. Thought I heard something,” Tony yelled back, and Peter’s super hearing picked up his muttered, “stupid stupid stupid. He’s not here, Tony. It’s not real.”

Peter banged on the door again. “Mr. Stark, it’s me! It’s Peter. Please, open the door so I don’t have to break it. I need your help.”

It took a few minutes of banging and yelling, even saying a few things he thought would prove he was real, before Tony finally opened the door. It opened slowly, cautiously, as if the man still didn’t believe what his eyes and ears were telling him. 

Tony’s eyes looked like a ghost could live there, and Peter felt his heart sink when he realized that it was _his_ ghost that haunted them. He wondered how many times Tony had walked around the corner and seen Peter standing there, or heard Peter’s voice in another room, only for it to disappear. 

The moment stretched on forever.

Finally, Tony swallowed. “Peter?”

Peter nodded, unable to speak.

Tony slowly brought his hand to cup Peter’s cheek softly, almost reverently, and he slid a finger across the bone to catch a tear there. Peter hadn’t realized he was crying.

“Peter,” Tony said again, and took in a shuddering breath, tears welling in his eyes. 

Then at the same time, the two collapsed into a hug. Peter wrapping his arms tightly (mindful of his super strength, though) and both parties sunk to the floor, as matching sobs wracked through each of their bodies.

Pepper eventually came out and, after another tearful reunion, brought the two boys inside and out of the cold. 

“So, um, Peter,” Pepper asked gently a few minutes later, the only one who seemed capable of breaking the strange, reverent silence that had fallen. “How are you here, sweetheart?”

Peter wiped his eyes, cleared his throat, and tried speaking several times before his voice seemed to work. Finally, he was able to explain the time traveling thing. His time traveling thing. He very carefully left out any details of Tony’s time traveling and the subsequent second fight with Thanos and its consequences.

“Alright, then,” Tony said, standing. “Let’s get down to the lab.”

Quietly, Peter followed Tony through the house and to the lake house lab, which looked so similar to the one at the compound where Peter had spent many late nights and made so many fond memories that he couldn’t help but smile. With a shock, he saw his old desk right where it had been in the other lab.

Tony followed Peter’s gaze and cleared his throat. “I, uh, couldn’t bring myself to leave it.”

“Is it the same one?” Peter whispered. 

Tony nodded, and Peter walked over, gently rubbing his finger on the scorch marks on the bottom right corner from an unfortunate accident with the soldering iron. Peter had nearly set the lab on fire, and had been _shocked_ when Tony had just calmly put out the flames and hugged him, assuring with a laugh that he’d done far stupider things in his day, and that there was no harm done.

That was the day Peter knew Tony cared about him, and he’d refused to part with the desk. It seemed Tony was similarly sentimental.

“Alright, so, this watch here-”

“Wait. Let’s not get started on that yet. Talk to me. Tell me what's going on at...home.”

Peter hesitated. “I don’t want to mess up the timeline or anything.”

“The only thing you’re going to do is give me hope, kid.” The tears in Tony’s voice chipped away at Peter’s resolve. “I’ll send you home, I promise, but...please. Can I just...get a little time with you?”

Peter wanted nothing more than to spend time with Tony. Living, breathing, _alive_ Tony. He nodded.

Tony ordered pizza, two entire pies of Peter’s favorite just for him, and two gallon jugs of ice cream. Just like old times. And Peter told Tony all about his life. Told him about what he was learning at school, how different everything was since being brought back.

“We get you all back?” Tony breathed.

“Yeah. You do. You did it, sir.”

_We won, Mr. Stark. You did it, Sir, you did it._

Peter kicked himself for saying those words and nearly toppled the chair as he stood up with a gasp to start pacing the room. Tony blinked once before muscle memory kicked in. 

He knew this. He didn’t know the cause, but he’d been there for many other moments like this one, and he gently placed his hand on Peter’s shoulder to still his pacing, and wrapped his arms around the kid again. Both of them needed the contact, needed the reminder that the other is breathing. They swayed gently on the spot, the only sound Peter’s muffled sobs that broke Tony’s heart clean in two. 

“I’m sorry, Mr. Stark, I’m so sorry,” Peter sobbed into Tony’s shoulder, and though the man didn’t know what his kid was apologizing for, there was no question that no matter what it was, it was automatically forgiven.

“I still have the ‘sorry’ jar, too, kid, so you best stop apologizing right now,” Tony joked, earning him a watery chuckle. “Besides, no matter what it is, I don’t care, and I’m willing to bet anything that it’s not your fault like you think it is.”

Peter sniffled. “Thanks,” he said weakly.

“Anytime, kid. Anytime.”

_I’m just glad I can do this. I never thought I’d get the chance to again._

Once Peter’s tears subsided and he could breathe without feeling the weight of Mt Olympus on his shoulders, the two got started on the watch.

It was starting to get late, and Tony knew he couldn’t be selfish and keep Peter here forever (no matter how much he wanted to). He also knew that tinkering helped Peter just as it had helped him. They quietly worked together, and Peter let himself be pulled in to working with his mentor again, the familiar actions, setting, and company a salve that quieted the dissonance in his brain and slowly pulled the pieces back into tune.

The watch was done quickly. It was a fairly easy fix, a broken screen and piece on the main circuit, and they were able to replace the parts without any trouble. The trouble came in the heavy silence that followed when they both realized they would have to say goodbye again.

“I don’t want to go,” Peter admitted.

_I don’t want to go, Mr. Stark. Please. I don’t want to go._

Tony stiffened. “Don’t say those words.”

“Sorry. But I don’t.”

“I don’t want you to go, either,” Tony said, forcing the tears back and trying to keep his tone light. “But I can’t be selfish. I’m sure that future me and the rest of New York are missing you.”

He looked up, and this time it was Tony who saw the ghosts in Peter’s eyes, and the pieces clicked together.

“Oh.” Was all he could say. He swallowed. “Am I-”

Peter shook his head. “But it’s not looking good. It’s been 6 weeks.”

Tony nodded, unable to speak.

“Sorry.”

Tony gave a weak smile. “That’s another one for the jar, underoos.”

Peter let out a little laugh, but it was overshadowed by the tears in both their eyes. Then, once again, they were hugging and crying.

_I really must be getting old. Or Morgan’s made me soft._

Tony swayed slowly, rubbing circles on Peter’s back. “Well, all I can say is I love you. Sorry I didn’t tell you before. And...keep living. Okay? No matter what happens.” 

Peter nodded, holding tighter to his mentor. With one last squeez, Tony gently grabbed Peter’s wrist, and pushed the button on the watch to let the other know to bring Peter home.

“Goodbye,” he whispered as the boy disappeared.

***

Peter opened his eyes and found himself standing in the compound, tears still streaming down his cheeks, the ghost of Tony’s hug still warm on his back.

“Peter! I’m so glad we found you.” Natasha’s voice was thick with relief. 

“Are you okay?” Steve asked, seeing the boy’s state.

Peter nodded. “I’m alright.”

The two, though confused, accepted his answer and let him go. Happy was there within minutes to pick Peter up, and take him back to the lake house. He knew where he wanted to be.

Peter sat by Tony’s side. He told him that he loved him, too, told him about how they met back in 2020, told him he would keep his promise to keep living. And he did.  
  


And Tony miraculously started to slowly improve, and Peter was there, spending every second he could with his mentor because _gosh dang it he’s not allowed to die. I won’t allow it._

So it was no surprise that he was there, sleeping at Tony’s side, when Iron Man opened his eyes for the first time in nearly two and a half months.

“T- Tony?” Peter gasped when he felt the man stir.

“Hey, underoos.”

As carefully as he could manage in his enthusiasm, Peter launched himself at Tony, sobs echoing through his whole body. This time, they were in relief. 

“I kept my promise. I kept living.”

Confusion clouded Tony’s eyes for a split second before he remembered the day Peter Parker showed up at his doorstep. Not a ghost, but full of ghosts.

“Good.”

“I love you too, Tony. I love you, too.”

“Well, I gotta say, I’ll take that over your needless apologies any day. I love you, kid.”

Another watery chuckle, and the two basked in the quiet moment cuddled together before there was a flurry of nurses and Avengers and, most importantly, Pepper and Morgan. 

And Peter Parker continued living, and Tony Stark did, too.


End file.
